Although if I'm being honest, I never really found Oscars day to be all that happy an occasion (though I'm sure my opinion on that will change when I collect my first Academy Award) if I'm being honest and the reasons for that are plentiful. When I was a wee nipper I heard people talk incessantly about the oscars and how it was pretty much the benchmark which all "great films" were measured by. Naturally I presumed that movies like Home Alone and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles must have swept the boards the year that they were released, and naturally I was wrong.
There's a number of things that go hand in hand with growing up, not least of which is the development of "taste". It is this "taste", often accompanied by a little thing called "sensibility" that allows us to decide why we like or do not like something based on a number of factors. Along with this development of taste and sensibility comes a crushing obliteration of innocence, and the first thing that suffers is your opinion of things that you used to admire as a sprog. As Chris Rock said in his Oscars opening monologue in 2009~
"You watch movies as a kid and you think every one of them is wonderful...and then you watch back those same movies again as an adult and you're like DAMN...ROCKY 5 SUCKED!"
He was right...Rocky 5 DID suck....and upon realising that, it forces you to think back to any other films that you watched as a kid that may fall into the same category and believe me...there's lots of them. The Turtles films for example. Great craic altogether when you're six years old, but they don't really pass muster with anyone above the age of about 15. I can only imagine what my parents must have thought as they sat through each one of those movies with me year after year. They always seemed to be coincidentally released around my birthday (which just so happens to fall in the middle of summer blockbuster season) and as such, part of my present would be that we'd go to the cinema to see the eerily real looking mutants kick some serious ass all the while spouting ridiculous puns and quotes from other popular movies. I don't doubt for a second that at some point they must have thought "What the fuck is this shit...and what kind of a kid are we raising?". I'm sure they took solace in the fact that the packed auditorium meant that at least they weren't alone in thinking that.
And then when you get a little bit older you start paying a little more attention to what exactly goes on at the oscars...and when the nominees for best picture are announced you're both shocked and appalled to discover that you've never heard of a single one of them. "The fuck is Pulp Fiction?" you think to yourself. These nominees as chosen by the Academy inform you that you need to address they way in which you rate films. You need to steer yourself away from the "Short Circuit's" and start enjoying the "Titanic's" etc, right?
Wrong!
For those of you who may not know, Titanic walked away from the 1997 Oscars with 11 awards...eleven fucking awards. That's beyond perposterous. I watched Titanic when it came out, and watched it again on television over the Christmas season numerous times since. It's a good movie. It's not "eleven academy awards" good but there's no denying it is good. This was the same year that films like "Good Will Hunting" and "L.A Confidential" were nominated, and somehow, some ludicrous way, Titanic stole eleven of those awards right from under their noses.
Another thing that never ceases to piss me off about this most prtentious of ceremonies is the idea that the candidates for best picture must tick a number of cultural and social boxes in order to be victorious. It seemingly just isn't enough for the film to simply be "great", and it's for reasons like this that movies like "Crash"(2006) win best picture. Crash is a good example to use because with the exception of a few good performances from consistantly solid actors such as Matt Dillon and Sandra Bullock, the movie is largely forgettable. Yet it preaches the message that racism exists, and it manages to preach it in a very ironic way and as such was an ideal candidate for best picture.
Over the years there seems to have been some hiccups from the Academy in the "Best Picture" dpeartment. For example, in 1977 the underdog of the ceremony "Rocky" walked away with the best picture gong...seemingly life immitating art, what with the movie itself being one of the greatest underdog stories of all time. Now, altough I love Rocky, it does tick those social and cultural boxes that I mentioned earlier...and I don't doubt for even a moment that not a year goes by that the Academy don't wish they could take that decision back. It's no secret that they generally don't reward sequels well, and as such I'm sure they were disgusted at the notion that Stallone would go on to make five more in the franchise.
Likewise, the way they snubbed Mickey Rourke in the 2009 Oscar's leaves a lot to be desired. Sean Penn is a magnificent actor, but his role in Milk certainly wasn't his finest hour. Hhmmm, perhaps it was the social and cultural element of the film that lead to him winning for "best actor" (are we beginning to see the pattern yet?) Obviously it was beneath them to reward a film about professional wrestling with an oscar because it's more of a sideshow act than anything else. Give me a break. Mickey Rourke gave the best performance of his career in that movie and that's what should count.
So, it is with a heavy heart that I say best of luck to all of those nominated, but I would also suggest that should anyone "lose out", fuck it...It's nothing more than a ceremony for industry heads to pat each other on the back, and as such should be held in no higher esteem than a passing compliment from a friend. Hold out for a people's choice award, or even one of those MTV award popcorn buckets...They look nice.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Toy Story 3: Simply put, a masterpiece!
What with all the specualtion and banter that is building in anticipation of the steadily approaching Academy Awards, I find myself paying much more attention to critics' predictions than ever before and I can't explain why. I suppose it probably has something to do with the fact that a film that struck a greater chord with me than any other I've seen (or am likely to see) is involved in the race this year.
When I first saw the trailer for Toy Story 3, I found it amusing and was delighted that it seemed to capture all of the humour and heart of the first two movies and regenerate them successfully. Although if I'm honest, the trailer in no way prepared me for what I would see (or feel) while watching the movie itself. To say that Toy Story 3 took me on a rollercoaster of emotions would be an understatement to say the very least. From the outset, the music, gags and dialogue immediately return you to that comfort zone that you built from the ground up with Toy Story and Toy Story 2. I'm sure this came as a relief for anyone who may have even been the slightest bit concerned over the fact that John Lasseter would not be at the helm of the ship. If there was ever any doubt that Lee Unkrich was capable of doing a magnificent job on his own, those doubts were hastily washed away only a couple of minutes into the film.
For the uninitiated (shame on you) the story itself starts off in typical "Toy Story" fashion with the toys facing a dilemma that is certain to take them miles (or at the very least hundreds of metres) away from home. But any brief thoughts that this may just be a re-hash of the first two movies are quashed fairly quickly too, as the fact that the toys are taken away from home and at some point start looking to make their way back is where the similarities between this and the plot of the first two movies end. For a start, rather than getting lost or being stolen by a greedy toy collector, this time the Toys make the decision to leave Andy of their own accord...only to discover shortly thereafter that there really is no place like home (even if you are facing years of being bundled away in a refuse sack in the attic).
One of the things that makes Toy Story 3 so special is obviously the characters...and to be fair, if we look at the characters on a broader scale across the trilogy, the subtle yet significant character development is astonishing. We see a metamorphosis of sorts in Buzz Lightyear, who we almost saw as an antagonist for a healthy portion of the first movie. He has now grown into a leader along with Woody, whose foremost priorities are to ensure Andy's happiness, and the safety of his fellow toys. And then there's Woody, who came across as a jealous toy who was afraid of losing his spot as Andy's most beloved childhood memory...after wavering back and forth on whether Woody is actually a nice character for solid chunk of the first movie, somewhere along the way we see that the reason that he wants to be closest to Andy is not necessarily for his own happiness, but more so out of his desire to be the one to take care of Andy as he had done up to that point, playing the role of his loyal best friend for years. It is this characteristic of Woody's, this idea of loyalty, which is magnified in Toy Story 3 to the extent that we actually see just how un-selfish Woody is, sacrificing his own happiness at a seemingly perfect day-care centre in order to ensure the happiness of his best friend Andy. In essence, Woody becomes the conscience and heart of the entire third movie, believing in Andy when everyone else had long since given up and this re-affirms his position as the main protagonist of the franchise.
Without going into too much detail, the movie itself is nothing more and nothing less than a piece of art, wavering back and forth between comedy, and heart-breaking melancholy at the flick of a switch throughout. Prior to this, I genuinely cannot remember the last time (if there even was a last time) that I actually felt a tear run down my cheek as I became so utterly engorssed in the story that I was being told. I sat there for the last few minutes of the movie with my chin wobbling and making the occasional sniffle sound (which by that point was being echoed repeatedly throughout the auditorium), and I can honestly say I've never been so moved by a film, animated or otherwise to the best of my recollection.
I was delighted to see Pixar push for an Academy Award nomination for best picture again this year, because there's no doubt that it's well deserving. In my humble opinion, the movie is hands down better than "Up" and likewise is easily head and shoulders above any of the other "best picture" nominees that I've had the pleasure of seeing this year. Pixar are right to press hard for these movies to be accepted, not just as great animated movies, but also as great movies in general. Personally, I genuinely think that in the interest of being pregressive, we should no longer regard "the medium as the message". Films should not be classified by the manner in which they are made...they should simply regarded as "good" or "bad". If the classic "Beauty and The Beast" was nominated for Best Picture in 1992, it astonishes me to think that here we are, almost 20 years later, and only two other animated movies have ever been nominated, still without winning. It's about time that the Academy stopped looking for that "bigger picture" when choosing their winner...there seems to be a history of movies winning that tick a certain number of boxes (I'd like to see this Academy list of criteria for best picture) many of which seem like they could be as pretencious as "Theme and Issue" or "Cultural DIversity". Why can't you decide what the best picture is, based simply on the question "was it the most enjoyable film I've seen all year?" I promise you, if you were to judge it that way, there is simply no way you could hand that oscar to anyone other than Lee Unkrich and co.
Toy Story is now a franchise that has defined a generation, it now belongs in the annals of film as one of those very few perfect trilogies, so why not grant the audiece their "Godfather Part II" moment at this year's ceremony? Regardless of whether this will be Pixar's year or not, they churn out success after success and continue to blur the line between live-action and animated features, and it is undoubtedly just a matter of time before they walk away with that best picture oscar.
Regardless of how the movie fares at this year's awards, it is still the best movie I've seen all year...maybe even for a few years if I'm being honest, and I know the word is overused, but it is nothing short of a masterpiece.
When I first saw the trailer for Toy Story 3, I found it amusing and was delighted that it seemed to capture all of the humour and heart of the first two movies and regenerate them successfully. Although if I'm honest, the trailer in no way prepared me for what I would see (or feel) while watching the movie itself. To say that Toy Story 3 took me on a rollercoaster of emotions would be an understatement to say the very least. From the outset, the music, gags and dialogue immediately return you to that comfort zone that you built from the ground up with Toy Story and Toy Story 2. I'm sure this came as a relief for anyone who may have even been the slightest bit concerned over the fact that John Lasseter would not be at the helm of the ship. If there was ever any doubt that Lee Unkrich was capable of doing a magnificent job on his own, those doubts were hastily washed away only a couple of minutes into the film.
For the uninitiated (shame on you) the story itself starts off in typical "Toy Story" fashion with the toys facing a dilemma that is certain to take them miles (or at the very least hundreds of metres) away from home. But any brief thoughts that this may just be a re-hash of the first two movies are quashed fairly quickly too, as the fact that the toys are taken away from home and at some point start looking to make their way back is where the similarities between this and the plot of the first two movies end. For a start, rather than getting lost or being stolen by a greedy toy collector, this time the Toys make the decision to leave Andy of their own accord...only to discover shortly thereafter that there really is no place like home (even if you are facing years of being bundled away in a refuse sack in the attic).
One of the things that makes Toy Story 3 so special is obviously the characters...and to be fair, if we look at the characters on a broader scale across the trilogy, the subtle yet significant character development is astonishing. We see a metamorphosis of sorts in Buzz Lightyear, who we almost saw as an antagonist for a healthy portion of the first movie. He has now grown into a leader along with Woody, whose foremost priorities are to ensure Andy's happiness, and the safety of his fellow toys. And then there's Woody, who came across as a jealous toy who was afraid of losing his spot as Andy's most beloved childhood memory...after wavering back and forth on whether Woody is actually a nice character for solid chunk of the first movie, somewhere along the way we see that the reason that he wants to be closest to Andy is not necessarily for his own happiness, but more so out of his desire to be the one to take care of Andy as he had done up to that point, playing the role of his loyal best friend for years. It is this characteristic of Woody's, this idea of loyalty, which is magnified in Toy Story 3 to the extent that we actually see just how un-selfish Woody is, sacrificing his own happiness at a seemingly perfect day-care centre in order to ensure the happiness of his best friend Andy. In essence, Woody becomes the conscience and heart of the entire third movie, believing in Andy when everyone else had long since given up and this re-affirms his position as the main protagonist of the franchise.
Without going into too much detail, the movie itself is nothing more and nothing less than a piece of art, wavering back and forth between comedy, and heart-breaking melancholy at the flick of a switch throughout. Prior to this, I genuinely cannot remember the last time (if there even was a last time) that I actually felt a tear run down my cheek as I became so utterly engorssed in the story that I was being told. I sat there for the last few minutes of the movie with my chin wobbling and making the occasional sniffle sound (which by that point was being echoed repeatedly throughout the auditorium), and I can honestly say I've never been so moved by a film, animated or otherwise to the best of my recollection.
I was delighted to see Pixar push for an Academy Award nomination for best picture again this year, because there's no doubt that it's well deserving. In my humble opinion, the movie is hands down better than "Up" and likewise is easily head and shoulders above any of the other "best picture" nominees that I've had the pleasure of seeing this year. Pixar are right to press hard for these movies to be accepted, not just as great animated movies, but also as great movies in general. Personally, I genuinely think that in the interest of being pregressive, we should no longer regard "the medium as the message". Films should not be classified by the manner in which they are made...they should simply regarded as "good" or "bad". If the classic "Beauty and The Beast" was nominated for Best Picture in 1992, it astonishes me to think that here we are, almost 20 years later, and only two other animated movies have ever been nominated, still without winning. It's about time that the Academy stopped looking for that "bigger picture" when choosing their winner...there seems to be a history of movies winning that tick a certain number of boxes (I'd like to see this Academy list of criteria for best picture) many of which seem like they could be as pretencious as "Theme and Issue" or "Cultural DIversity". Why can't you decide what the best picture is, based simply on the question "was it the most enjoyable film I've seen all year?" I promise you, if you were to judge it that way, there is simply no way you could hand that oscar to anyone other than Lee Unkrich and co.
Toy Story is now a franchise that has defined a generation, it now belongs in the annals of film as one of those very few perfect trilogies, so why not grant the audiece their "Godfather Part II" moment at this year's ceremony? Regardless of whether this will be Pixar's year or not, they churn out success after success and continue to blur the line between live-action and animated features, and it is undoubtedly just a matter of time before they walk away with that best picture oscar.
Regardless of how the movie fares at this year's awards, it is still the best movie I've seen all year...maybe even for a few years if I'm being honest, and I know the word is overused, but it is nothing short of a masterpiece.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Woke Up Laughing
Okay so just to clarify I did not, as the title of this article would suggest, "wake up laughing" (something that would be no mean feat on any ordinary morning, and something that would be that much more difficult to achieve on a morning where you awaken after only sleeping about 4 hours at the most, unless of course the laughter is signifying your slow decent into sleep deprived insanity). The title is moreso a nod to the late Robert Palmer, a musician who seems to be regularly monopolising a sizeable amount of play time on my mp3 player as of late, as well as quickly becoming one of those artists whose songs you find yourself humming/singing randomly without realising.
For the most part, I think it's safe to say that the majority of people from my generation can vividly remember their first introduction to the work of this effortlessly great musician, and it probably wasn't on the radio or anything like that. For years, the only Robert Palmer song that I knew was "Addicted to Love" and like many people who grew up in the late 80s/early 90s, this song will always be synonimous with the classic "Halls Soothers" elevator advert on tv (an advert which apparently is being played again these days, which in itself is a sign of just how iconic the ad has become. How many other halls soothers adverts do you remember? Me neither. It's up there with the "Juice loose aboot this hoose" and the softmints ad with "Mr.Soft" It's just something you'll always remember) Although I remember completely misinterpreting the ad as a wee nipper, always thinking that the Halls Soothers acted as some kind of aphrodesiac for that woman as she takes one sweet before proceeding to get all hot and bothered in the elevator! Kind of half expected the slogan at the end to say "better than viagra" or something like that.
Regardless of the imagery the ad conjures up, the song is belting away throughout, and even if people don't know to this day that it's a Robet Palmer song...if you ask anyone do they remember the Hall Soothers elevator advert, pretty much anyone would start by saying "Oh yeah...the lights are on, but you're not home..." perhaps the most famous first line of a song of the last two decades, second only to B*Witched's opening to their classic C'est La Vie "Some People Say Oi Look Loike Me Da...Are Ya Seeeeryus?"
And then, a couple of years after the ad stopped playing on tv, I discovered a magnificent invention (an invention that sadly would later go on to be the ruination of modern society), a television station by the name of MTV! Now, back in the day the "M" in MTV stood for music (couldn't even begin to guess what it stands for today other than maybe 'mind numbing shite') but one day the video for "Addicted to Love" came on! I was delighted to see that this was not actually just a fantastic piece of elevator music created solely for the advert, but it was in fact a real song, with several verses and everything...but not only that, "what's this visual feast that accompanies it?" I thought. Why it's, it's...a music video! And what a music video! Inspired and iconic in it's own way, it features the ever suave Palmer belting out the tune on stage in front of a microphone, as a handful of Mortisha Addams rejects who had their make up applied earlier in the day by a cannon at point blank range, rock out in the background with instruments that they're not even playing ...Perhaps "rock out" is the wrong term...They don't so much "rock", but rather more so "sway back and forth out of time with the music and out of sync with each other, with all the grace and elegance of a group of lobotomised ostriches".
The Classic "Addicted To Love" Video
Still a great video regardless, and although the song is best remembered for the Halls advert...Some people might remember it as being the theme song to the dreadul 90's rom-com with a difference "Addicted to Love". Always found myself wondering if the song was the inspiration for the movie, or rather just a name that they decided to use at the last minute when the writers were on their way to pitch the as-of-yet-unnamed romantic comedy. Regardless, the song plays throughout the trailer for the movie, and I'm fairly sure it plays during the end credits to boot. The movie is essentially a story about two miserable characters who just happen to decide to spy on their respective ex's who left them to be together (can you guess the ending yet?) They try their best to sabotage their ex's relationship...fall in love with each other in the process yadda yadda yadda...It's all just wonderful really. Really some of Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick's finest work.
Check out the Addicted To Love Trailer
But the point is this, regardless of where you know the song from...chances are you do know the song, and chances are you like it. So if you like it, maybe take the time to check out some of Robert Palmers other work, because a lot of it is equally as good, albeit not quite as well known. A true legend, and I genuinely would like to believe that he did often wake up laughing.
She Makes My Day
Woke Up Laughing
For the most part, I think it's safe to say that the majority of people from my generation can vividly remember their first introduction to the work of this effortlessly great musician, and it probably wasn't on the radio or anything like that. For years, the only Robert Palmer song that I knew was "Addicted to Love" and like many people who grew up in the late 80s/early 90s, this song will always be synonimous with the classic "Halls Soothers" elevator advert on tv (an advert which apparently is being played again these days, which in itself is a sign of just how iconic the ad has become. How many other halls soothers adverts do you remember? Me neither. It's up there with the "Juice loose aboot this hoose" and the softmints ad with "Mr.Soft" It's just something you'll always remember) Although I remember completely misinterpreting the ad as a wee nipper, always thinking that the Halls Soothers acted as some kind of aphrodesiac for that woman as she takes one sweet before proceeding to get all hot and bothered in the elevator! Kind of half expected the slogan at the end to say "better than viagra" or something like that.
Regardless of the imagery the ad conjures up, the song is belting away throughout, and even if people don't know to this day that it's a Robet Palmer song...if you ask anyone do they remember the Hall Soothers elevator advert, pretty much anyone would start by saying "Oh yeah...the lights are on, but you're not home..." perhaps the most famous first line of a song of the last two decades, second only to B*Witched's opening to their classic C'est La Vie "Some People Say Oi Look Loike Me Da...Are Ya Seeeeryus?"
And then, a couple of years after the ad stopped playing on tv, I discovered a magnificent invention (an invention that sadly would later go on to be the ruination of modern society), a television station by the name of MTV! Now, back in the day the "M" in MTV stood for music (couldn't even begin to guess what it stands for today other than maybe 'mind numbing shite') but one day the video for "Addicted to Love" came on! I was delighted to see that this was not actually just a fantastic piece of elevator music created solely for the advert, but it was in fact a real song, with several verses and everything...but not only that, "what's this visual feast that accompanies it?" I thought. Why it's, it's...a music video! And what a music video! Inspired and iconic in it's own way, it features the ever suave Palmer belting out the tune on stage in front of a microphone, as a handful of Mortisha Addams rejects who had their make up applied earlier in the day by a cannon at point blank range, rock out in the background with instruments that they're not even playing ...Perhaps "rock out" is the wrong term...They don't so much "rock", but rather more so "sway back and forth out of time with the music and out of sync with each other, with all the grace and elegance of a group of lobotomised ostriches".
The Classic "Addicted To Love" Video
Still a great video regardless, and although the song is best remembered for the Halls advert...Some people might remember it as being the theme song to the dreadul 90's rom-com with a difference "Addicted to Love". Always found myself wondering if the song was the inspiration for the movie, or rather just a name that they decided to use at the last minute when the writers were on their way to pitch the as-of-yet-unnamed romantic comedy. Regardless, the song plays throughout the trailer for the movie, and I'm fairly sure it plays during the end credits to boot. The movie is essentially a story about two miserable characters who just happen to decide to spy on their respective ex's who left them to be together (can you guess the ending yet?) They try their best to sabotage their ex's relationship...fall in love with each other in the process yadda yadda yadda...It's all just wonderful really. Really some of Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick's finest work.
Check out the Addicted To Love Trailer
But the point is this, regardless of where you know the song from...chances are you do know the song, and chances are you like it. So if you like it, maybe take the time to check out some of Robert Palmers other work, because a lot of it is equally as good, albeit not quite as well known. A true legend, and I genuinely would like to believe that he did often wake up laughing.
She Makes My Day
Woke Up Laughing
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Groundhog Day
Every February 2nd, a tradition is celebrated Stateside as well as in Canada, with the main focus of this celebration being directed towards the notion of a rodent predicting the weather. Now, I cannot even begin to tell you how many things I take issue with in that previous sentence.Oh wait, yes I can, in fact I can tell you EXACTLY how many things I take issue with...ONE! I take issue with a grand total of one things from that sentence. Now I'm all for traditions, and I absolutely adore the idea of making up bullshit reasons to celebrate a day and enjoy a bit of a piss up, but there's just something about the idea of putting a glorified rat on a pedestal, even if only for a day, that just disturbs me slightly. Whenever I hear the words "groundhog day" I shudder at the thought of just how farcical the invention of such a bogus holiday probably was.
Apparently it was a superstitous German theory to begin with, whereby they believed that the groundhog (because apparently there was only one, in all of Germany) would emerge from his burrow on February 2nd, and should the weather be sunny, he'd make a hasty retreat back into his burrow because apparently the little fucker was afraid of his own shadow. The only way to lull the groundhog out of his dwelling for an extended period was to hope for cloud cover because that way he wouldn't see his own shadow, and as such would not be likely to retreat. The superstition was that the groundhog would predict the weather to the extent that if it was sunny on the morning of February 2nd, he would retreat for 6 weeks as winter was set to continue. However, if there was cloud cover, he would emerge and happily saunter about the surrounding area, thus confirming that winter was over and there would be an early spring. Now, there are a number of things about that supersition that all lead me to the response "what a croc" which I will address in greater detail in the next paragraph.
As Groundhog Day is effectively a holiday, although I pray it is not deemed important enough for schools and banks to be closed etc., the groundhog is held in very high esteem by the people who believe in his bullshit. And sure how could he not be? Handsome little bastard, the groundhog:-short, fat, awkward , buck tooth - all the trimmings that make him a hit, not just with the lady groundhogs, but also with the thousands upon thousands of people who choose to skip a days pay so they can go and watch the little bollocks stick his head out of a hutch. But I digress, lets not launch a scathing personal attack on the groundhog here. It's more of a critique of the notion of groundhog day that I'm trying to put forward. For example, I'd just like to point out a few "flaws" in this rather dated theory. For example, the idea is that if the groundhog see's that it's cloudy out...winter is over...whereas if he see's the sun...there's to be an extended winter of sorts. Surely they misinterpreted somewhere along the way? I mean, it seems like a fundamentally easything to get right if you just use your head...Surely if the sun is out, that would signify spring, rather than the other way around?
Apparently the biggest groundhog day celebration on Earth is held in Punxsutawney (a place that I genuinely presumed was fictional until I researched this topic a little further) where upwards of 40,000 people have been known to turn out annually to celebrate the emergence of Punxsutawney "Fuckface" Phil since 1887.
Now, I'm no mathematician, but there seems to be a fairly blatant flaw in that. If Punxsutawney Phil has been predicting the weather since 1887, that would make him 124 years old and a true survivor story to say the least, considering the average lifespan of a groundhog is estimated at between 10 and 14 years. Apparently many of his most devout followers genuinely believe that he is fed some mysterious "groundhog punch" during the summer seasons which lengthens his existence, however the more likely, albeit less interesting scenario is that Punsutawney Phil most likely Punxsutawney croaked several times over by now... with a new "Phil" being promoted through the ranks to fill his Punxsutawney shoes every so Punxsutawney often.
Going back to the notion of Phil emerging from his crypt to check out the weather situation, if he goes back into the hut, how do you know he's running from his shadow, or that he's retreating because of the sun? Who are you to say that he's not just forgotten something in the hut and when he scampers back in for his Punxsutawney wallet, some fucker comes over and shouts "Show's over folks...long winter ahead" and locks the poor bastard back in the hutch. It's disgraceful. If it's conceivable that this little rodent can predict the weather...isn't it also conceivable that he's capable of forgetting his wallet or keys...or maybe Punxsutawney Phil has a Punxsutawney family, and his morning routine is to grab a bit of brekkie at the table with the wife and sprogs, before the wife asks him to check the weather forecast...Now, presumably they don't have cable down in the burrow, so maybe he's forced to go to the surface and check it out first hand...maybe that's his DAILY tradition, and everyone is so wrapped up in their own shit that nobody pays attention the other 364 days of the year...and maybe then, with that being the case, when he turns on his heel to go back inside to tell Punxsutawney Pam that the weather's great...you superstitous so and so's convince yourselves that he's telling you to go home and throw another log on the fire.
I also find it laughable that we're supposed to buy into this idea of a little groundhog who is apparently afraid of his own shadow, but yet has no problem with being surrounded and scrutinised by 40,000 strangers beating drums and shouting. Surely if your nerves are as weak as Punxsutawney Phil's appear to be, you'd be in no humour for the whooping and screaming of 40,000 avid groundhog fans stomping and blaring music. It all sounds like a farce to me...but then again, I suppose we do celebrate St.Patrick's day big style, so perhaps we should not be so quick to judge others for their bizarre yet (in their own way) wonderful traditions.
Here's to an early spring Punxsutawney Phil, I'll drink to that!
Apparently it was a superstitous German theory to begin with, whereby they believed that the groundhog (because apparently there was only one, in all of Germany) would emerge from his burrow on February 2nd, and should the weather be sunny, he'd make a hasty retreat back into his burrow because apparently the little fucker was afraid of his own shadow. The only way to lull the groundhog out of his dwelling for an extended period was to hope for cloud cover because that way he wouldn't see his own shadow, and as such would not be likely to retreat. The superstition was that the groundhog would predict the weather to the extent that if it was sunny on the morning of February 2nd, he would retreat for 6 weeks as winter was set to continue. However, if there was cloud cover, he would emerge and happily saunter about the surrounding area, thus confirming that winter was over and there would be an early spring. Now, there are a number of things about that supersition that all lead me to the response "what a croc" which I will address in greater detail in the next paragraph.
As Groundhog Day is effectively a holiday, although I pray it is not deemed important enough for schools and banks to be closed etc., the groundhog is held in very high esteem by the people who believe in his bullshit. And sure how could he not be? Handsome little bastard, the groundhog:-short, fat, awkward , buck tooth - all the trimmings that make him a hit, not just with the lady groundhogs, but also with the thousands upon thousands of people who choose to skip a days pay so they can go and watch the little bollocks stick his head out of a hutch. But I digress, lets not launch a scathing personal attack on the groundhog here. It's more of a critique of the notion of groundhog day that I'm trying to put forward. For example, I'd just like to point out a few "flaws" in this rather dated theory. For example, the idea is that if the groundhog see's that it's cloudy out...winter is over...whereas if he see's the sun...there's to be an extended winter of sorts. Surely they misinterpreted somewhere along the way? I mean, it seems like a fundamentally easything to get right if you just use your head...Surely if the sun is out, that would signify spring, rather than the other way around?
Apparently the biggest groundhog day celebration on Earth is held in Punxsutawney (a place that I genuinely presumed was fictional until I researched this topic a little further) where upwards of 40,000 people have been known to turn out annually to celebrate the emergence of Punxsutawney "Fuckface" Phil since 1887.
Now, I'm no mathematician, but there seems to be a fairly blatant flaw in that. If Punxsutawney Phil has been predicting the weather since 1887, that would make him 124 years old and a true survivor story to say the least, considering the average lifespan of a groundhog is estimated at between 10 and 14 years. Apparently many of his most devout followers genuinely believe that he is fed some mysterious "groundhog punch" during the summer seasons which lengthens his existence, however the more likely, albeit less interesting scenario is that Punsutawney Phil most likely Punxsutawney croaked several times over by now... with a new "Phil" being promoted through the ranks to fill his Punxsutawney shoes every so Punxsutawney often.
Going back to the notion of Phil emerging from his crypt to check out the weather situation, if he goes back into the hut, how do you know he's running from his shadow, or that he's retreating because of the sun? Who are you to say that he's not just forgotten something in the hut and when he scampers back in for his Punxsutawney wallet, some fucker comes over and shouts "Show's over folks...long winter ahead" and locks the poor bastard back in the hutch. It's disgraceful. If it's conceivable that this little rodent can predict the weather...isn't it also conceivable that he's capable of forgetting his wallet or keys...or maybe Punxsutawney Phil has a Punxsutawney family, and his morning routine is to grab a bit of brekkie at the table with the wife and sprogs, before the wife asks him to check the weather forecast...Now, presumably they don't have cable down in the burrow, so maybe he's forced to go to the surface and check it out first hand...maybe that's his DAILY tradition, and everyone is so wrapped up in their own shit that nobody pays attention the other 364 days of the year...and maybe then, with that being the case, when he turns on his heel to go back inside to tell Punxsutawney Pam that the weather's great...you superstitous so and so's convince yourselves that he's telling you to go home and throw another log on the fire.
I also find it laughable that we're supposed to buy into this idea of a little groundhog who is apparently afraid of his own shadow, but yet has no problem with being surrounded and scrutinised by 40,000 strangers beating drums and shouting. Surely if your nerves are as weak as Punxsutawney Phil's appear to be, you'd be in no humour for the whooping and screaming of 40,000 avid groundhog fans stomping and blaring music. It all sounds like a farce to me...but then again, I suppose we do celebrate St.Patrick's day big style, so perhaps we should not be so quick to judge others for their bizarre yet (in their own way) wonderful traditions.
Here's to an early spring Punxsutawney Phil, I'll drink to that!
Food for Thought!
As I sit here using Internet Explorer 7 to write this blog, I find myself wondering if it's even worth it. Certainly not my browser of choice, IE7 has taken numerous opportunities this morning to point out to me that not only is it an inferior product to many other alternative browser's out there...but various websites also offer a list of viable alternative's (all of which are presumably better than Internet Explorer 7) which you could download and use. That would be great, in theory, except for the fact that every time I click on the "download Firefox" link the ever faithful "Insufficient Administrator Privilages" message decides to rear it's ugly head...now, as it seems I must endure IE7 for the duration of the day, and bearing in mind that this does not cater for things such as "facebook chat", "youtube" or even the simple loading of jpeg or other images on various webpages (is there anything more frustrating than a webpage that shows up all of your pictures as a blank screen with a nice big red X in the top right corner??? Bebo, eat your heart out) the day's potential internet use seems fairly grim.
So, with that being the case, I find it fascinating that the creator of this IE7 (whoe'er they may be) has deemed it necessary to not only infuriate the users of this magnificent outdated product by making it crap beyond all reasonable measure, but then it throws the proverbial salt right into the wounds as it scoffingly offers up a list of suggestions of something else that may serve you just a little bit better! Imagine if you were hired for a job...and that job was to tell people just how bad you were at your job...and not only that...but after degrading yourself to that level and extinguishing any kind of character you had, or respect those potential clients may have previously had for you...you insist upon telling them just who exactly can do what they wanted YOU to do! How low an opinion of ones self must they have to do something like that! But not only that, imagine the client is an exclusive customer of the people that you work for (the metaphor for the insufficient administrator privileges) and therefore can't consult any of the people you suggested...who wins in that situation? It's like dangling the proverbial carrot in front of them, all the while cutting off your nose in spite of your face! No-one wins...that's who!
Well, that's how I feel about Internet Explorer 8. An agonisingly poor browser which jovially dances in front of my face as it opens web pages at a disgustingly slow pace, and not offering up any of the images which you would like to see on said pages. It seems comaparable to a pensioner in the early phase of Alzheimer's, still weary and alert enough to enjoy themselves, but a little sluggish and those memories (the unloaded images) are a little foggy at best!
Perhaps thats harsh, but bearing in mind that it will be remarkable if this browser even allows this blog to be posted without causing the computer to explode, the term "harsh but fair" seems more appropriate!
Thanks for nothing Internet Explorer 7!
So, with that being the case, I find it fascinating that the creator of this IE7 (whoe'er they may be) has deemed it necessary to not only infuriate the users of this magnificent outdated product by making it crap beyond all reasonable measure, but then it throws the proverbial salt right into the wounds as it scoffingly offers up a list of suggestions of something else that may serve you just a little bit better! Imagine if you were hired for a job...and that job was to tell people just how bad you were at your job...and not only that...but after degrading yourself to that level and extinguishing any kind of character you had, or respect those potential clients may have previously had for you...you insist upon telling them just who exactly can do what they wanted YOU to do! How low an opinion of ones self must they have to do something like that! But not only that, imagine the client is an exclusive customer of the people that you work for (the metaphor for the insufficient administrator privileges) and therefore can't consult any of the people you suggested...who wins in that situation? It's like dangling the proverbial carrot in front of them, all the while cutting off your nose in spite of your face! No-one wins...that's who!
Well, that's how I feel about Internet Explorer 8. An agonisingly poor browser which jovially dances in front of my face as it opens web pages at a disgustingly slow pace, and not offering up any of the images which you would like to see on said pages. It seems comaparable to a pensioner in the early phase of Alzheimer's, still weary and alert enough to enjoy themselves, but a little sluggish and those memories (the unloaded images) are a little foggy at best!
Perhaps thats harsh, but bearing in mind that it will be remarkable if this browser even allows this blog to be posted without causing the computer to explode, the term "harsh but fair" seems more appropriate!
Thanks for nothing Internet Explorer 7!
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